“all people, regardless of sexual orientation, value looks equally.”

Except demisexuality, which is literally defined as the “inability to experience primary sexual attraction.” Primary sexual attraction is defined as “attraction based on looks and other superficial traits.”

I’m demi and I have no “type.” Most of us don’t. I can appreciate an attractive human the same way I appreciate a beautiful sunset or painting, but a person’s looks stirs nothing more for me, ever.

Demis don’t usually become attracted to someone at all until they’ve known them quite a while and therefore have had time to possibly develop secondary sexual attraction, which is defined as attraction to a person’s deeper character traits and the emotional connection you have with them. We typically crush on old friends, never acquaintances.

Being demi has major challenges in a world that values looks, hookups and near immediate sexual desire, but not being attracted to a person’s looks has enabled me to love and be in relationship with many wonderful, caring people who most others would not consider attractive enough to date.