I have had similar experiences, but I’m not straight. Women can suck, lie, and use you up just as much as men can. My last girlfriend ended things with me for not providing enough sex, which really messed me up for a while.

Late-stage US capitalism has made everyone a means to an end, and our self-interested, hyperindividualism in this country makes *everyone* prone to being an asshole—and to traumatizing each other.

Fortunately, somatic trauma therapy, attachment work, and a lot of workshops on boundaries have now fixed my “picker,” and I no longer draw users and abusers into my orbit at all. The randos that do get in by chance or association, I quickly dispatch. I give NO passes; I am not a doormat. And I’m in a GREAT, healthy relationship that is going on six years now.

Here’s the secret that I think more women (and people generally) need to know: You don’t need to preemptively mistrust or fear others if you know with certainty that you can trust YOURSELF to immediately and effectively take good care of you at all times—especially in relationships.